08 life list!

i made a life list (offline) and i'm affraid it wont happen anymore...

sad to think...

know how unluck i am today?

first...

my phone fell inside the toilet bowl... and now, it's dead...

my social life ruined...

then almost lost my fingers or foot for anyreason... stupid guy's fault... i guess he's drunk...

Still hav'nt bathed my stinky ass yet...

i remind my self of punky nowadays... condsidering the reaserch i made...

both our dad's were actors in their time...

anyway...

for those who texted me...

forgive me...

nahulog lang naman sa inidoro ung phone ko...

save the shit for later

right now...

i have some unstinking to do..

Vans condoms (also available in bublegum flavor)

hello?

completely fictional advertisement... it just looked like condom advertisements...

but it does make complete sense you see...






Off the wall... vans condoms...(see?)

available in four flavors... banana , cheri, lemon lime and orange... (also available in bubble gum flavor...)

:D

Tama ung title ni wigi. Deja family reunion '07

the main attraction! CYBER! wahehehehe! keedeng!

Adams family...

My FAMILY TREE...

composed with:
-a loving mother
-the father gambler
-the abandoned daughter
- SAbrother gamer
-the other brother
-the elder brother
-the pregnant sister
-dynamic dou barkers (god given dogs)
-the elder brothers wife
-the loved elder brothers child
and finaly...

ME...

the disruptive pig...

Anyway... i couldnt think of anything to write... so i wrote that first...

why?

cause eysel went here at my house, and i refered to my family as "the adams family"

weird..

I know...


Aizel and i eded up at paseo... we baught poster paint...

I was happy to be out of the house for once... "atlast! i'm out!"

I'm still sick... and i miss singing...

composing songs depresses me this days....

It's like there's nothing to it... i mean like really...

gaaaa....

breathe..

just do it...

ot you'll die...

and yes i referd to my self as pig..

yapi's happy hours!!!

YAY!

this very second is included...

I should be playing my game now, but i refuse to...

just because i wanted to write some more....

I've been such a bore lately...(considering i'm sick)

I've been sleeping the day, playing computer games at night... going online

I MISS MARY AIZEL ANGELA (insert initial here) DILAO!

haha... i miss seing diegy minai ana (and the whole family tree) the blue house of theirs...

I miss going out, depressing my already depressed self more...

I wanna feel real wind, breath real oxygen, and not some artificial win the fan blows...

I wanna hear leaves, dog barking (already too much of that)

I wanna walk into a street knowing i'm the only one awake...

i wanna sit at the park and just sit there... as if like the time is not moving... and i'm watching the whole world at it's very best state...

a moment of hapiness... a second of peace serenity and silence...

I miss my sanctuary (sanctuario ni pia)

I wanna visit it now....

I miss my friends...

I dont want murder dreams any more... (too much of it lately...)

I wanna cut my self just to see if i'd bleed...

I wanna jump of the roof just to know what falling fells like...

I wanna ride the plane cause it's the closest thing to the real thing (flying)

I wanna know what plastic feels like... how it cant feel like us...

I wanna know a billion things for no exact reasons...

I wanna...

I wanna cry once in a while...

I wanna cry just to see if it's worth every drop...

i wanna feel happy not just because i have to...

As you can see...

i do want a lot of things....

and this is why i call this my happy hour...

where in i can be detached from the world...

and actually think for my self...

My happy hours...

A FEW OF MY REALITIES

WORLD...

I DONT SMOKE!
I DONT WATCH PORN!
I DONT LIE!
I DONT CHEAT!
I DONT DRINK ALCOHOL!
I KILLED SOMEONE!
I'M A ROCK STAR!
I DIED!
I LOVE GIRLS!
I LOVE BOYS!
I DONT STEAL
I LOVE MY SELF
I'M PROM QUEEN MATERIAL
I WEAR MAKE UP EVERYDAY
I LOVE YELLOW COLORED SHIRTS
I LOVE COLORS
I HATE BAGS
I LOVE SHOES
I HATE CHUCKS
I HATE THE SIMS2
I DONT PLAY BASKET BALL
I DONT PLAY FOOT BALL
I HATE THE MOON
I'M NOT CRAZY
I DONT RECORD SONGS
I DONT COMPOSE SONGS
I HATE MUSIC
I LOVE AVRIL
I'M A HIP-HOP LOVER
CALL ME THUG-BIGGIE
I HATE MCDONALDS
I HAVE A BOOK
I LOVE FAMILY PICTURES
I HATE MY FRIEND
I HATE ROCK MUSIC
I HATE CONVERSATIONS
I NEED THE PERFECT OUTFIT FOR THE PERFECT EVENT
I NEED A SPA DAY
I ONLY WEAR DESIGNERS CLOTHES
I DONT BELIEVE IN GOD
I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES
I'M REAL
I CREATE HAPPINESS
I'M NOT A TRAIN WRECK
I'M NOT AS WIDE AS THE DOOR
I'M A SIZE 5 :)
I HATE COFFEE
I HATE CHICKEN
I HATE MY MOM
I HATE MY DAD
I HATE SWEETS
I HATE CHOCOLATE
I HATE ICE CREAM
I HATE PEPSI
I HATE COCACOLA
I HATE FRIENDSHIP
I'M NOT ASIAN
I BURN TREES
I CREATED LIFE
I READ THE BIBLE
I LOVE THE MIRROR
I LOVE MY OWN SHADOW
I DONT WANT COMPANY
I DONT LIKE ACCEPTANCE
I LOVE REJECTION
I HATE FRIENDSTER
I HATE ART
I HATE PEN AND PAPER
I HATE BLOGING
I HATE SOPHIA BUSH
I HATE DISTILLED DRINKING WATER









THESE ARE JUST THE FEW THINGS TO REMEMBER IF YOU WANT TO HATE ME...












IF YOU KNOW ME THAT WELL...












YOU'D KNOW WHAT'S REAL...

ei stranger...

I call you that from now on...

anyway...

dont get me wrong... I've been having a really bad week...

reasons
1. I had a cold.
2. It became a high fever.
3. I have fever.
4. have no cell phone load
5. pimples keep apearing on unwanted areas (like face etc...)
6. Still no LAP TOP!
7. I recieved my money.
8. (i dunno why i wrote 7)
9. (Acrually i do know...)
10. It's raining
11. It's 3 something am and i am still awake.

The only thing that made my week was the news i heard from my dearest most beloved cousin...

(oh yeah, baloons do fly, and when they do they reach the sky)

OMG! i'm gonna be an aunt soon...

she's the same as my age, even younger.

I know i should be all mad at her, but i cant help it, i love the news, gift of life, hope, another chance for humanity to improve it's selves...

I was excited about it, she cried infront of me and i was smoking the same time i was sick with fever.

She quited smoking... i was so proud of her...

and the sweetest thing was...

she didnt celebrate her birthday...

just to give fund for her already loved unborn child...

the sad thing is...

we have no idea how to tell her dad...

and yes it has now become my problem...

and i wanna help with all i can give...

so anyone!!!

please... do buy one of my unheard songs....

ANYONE!!!

which meanbs you! you! you and you...


anyone...

WE NEED MONEY for a kid... xian xain daw ung nikname... ang kyuuuuuut!


and yes we thought of names for the kid... and right now, i forgot the names...

today.... I'm not happy at all...

I'd get over it in anyway...

but yeah..

-for stranger!!!

thanks for making me feel the best when i'm with you...

and the worst the next second i fall...

...you hate me...

...but...

...what you dont konw is that...

I HATE YOU MORE!

sleeping beauty. (sleeping hooker more likely)

like OMG... this is like some deep in your face shit daug!

OMG...

i played with my face a little here...

i placed colors in it...

this went like

"fuck off princie i'm trying to sleep here"

enjoy!





like OMG... this is like some deep in your face shit daug!

OMG...

i played with my face a little here...

i placed colors in it...

this went like

"fuck off princie i'm trying to sleep here"

enjoy!

hello... i'm MJ

this photo sucks ass!

this is MJ...

who is he?
he's the guy version of me...

dont ask questions to answers you already know...

and NO.. "M" doesnt stand for matteo... dont come to conclutions...

i'm thinking more marionne or something... ewan...

anyway...

take a look...

this photo sucks...

so i played with it.,..

SACROMANCE!

the title should be crowded cause the picture is indeed crowded, anyway...

this is bea, the ex wife... and me, yes, i'm asian...


we are asians...

OMG...

were asians...

minis stop

georjane <- wrong spelling pa ata... CHAMS <- sharms. and ME < me...

feel free to add captions...

Christmas party (yay...)

Before a gaw crawling desperately in-love with Marlette Sandino all over again, let me write this one...

It's been quite a while since i've written anything that made sense in here, and believe me this aint one of those sensible ones either... so if you're bored, then you're in luck, cause so am i.

anyway, if you're wondering who Marlette Sandino is, I made her up, so back off, she's mine! Lol.

Christmas party... our christmas party was a drag, not only did it turn up lame, but also really unpredictable. unpredictable that in a way, we were expeting a street party, and sooner figured out that it was a parking lot party, which later on cought the attention of bypassers and LRT busses.

I brought my 5 stringed guitar, hoping i'd hitch one, or actually buy one, but wasnt able to do so, why you may ask? it's because we rode a taxi cab, and went no where near a mall... so sad... but i knew it would happen, the bordom  that's killing me even in my deepest inner most subconcious. I knew i had to bring it. so i did, even if it only had 5 strings. (bad idea) it was heavy and realy distracting... disturbing, annoying in some sense.

but god had it all planned, something bigger was about to happen, and i knew it. :D

after boring my self together with my 5 stringed guitar, we walked to MAMI canteen, to feed our already starving selves. we had it all planned out, we were goin bar hopping (oh yeah!) after the so called christmas party. and we only needed to pay like 300 each, free ride, no pain, it was all good, and it would really work out.

it was all smooth sailing, a few of us went home in preparation, getting money and stuff like that, so the rest of us went to mini stop, and this is getting longer so i'd speed things up.

after that, they went back and we were all ready, including the ones who'd join even if they didnt pay.

so any way, all the girls had rides and the guys could go however they wanted it's up to them...

there were like seven of us trying to fit our selves in a 5 seater car. which means it includes me in it! so imagine us there... with me... it's like pork sardines.

anyway, first we went to tia maria malate, i was so happy to know that it were the j-brothers playing... Jay was so cute, haha, in-away that he makes people laugh, but i really like the bassist, i named him jay-bunso.

we ordered like a barrel of beer, 2 piutchers of margarita and some nacho's... i think...

we were in a hurry, and though we would end up in Arcadia for the next hop, thought about dematease because of Amed our classmate whose a partime owner, but ended up in bedrock.... which caused us a lot. no ladies drink were sold there... all we had was two bucket of red horse beer and some mixed platter, the band wasnt even that good.

it caused us like 2,700 i think. EXPENSIVE.

we thought we were going home when they decided to go to pier 1.

we ordered margaritas slammers pizza nacho's fries sisig and a beer container which i yet not have figured out what it's called, then next thing i knew there were alrady 8 of us on the way back to mami's place...

and 6:00 maybe in the morning i woke up, decided to go home and face the jeepney stike.

I almost got run over by an Altis the strap of my bag snaping off... i thought i was gonna die for real...

but I didnt wanna die being half drunk not having a permition do so getting drunk... it wouldnt be right for me or for my adoult supervisors...

so i lived.. haha, thanks to this random guy who picked up my bag from the other end of the highway.

There's a really interesting story about a jampong soup but this story would just get longer and lamer even...

so I'd just let this be, and go back to my Marlette Sandion...

I love her...

and i found the perfect substitute in real life...

she is...

I'd name her Izzei

TAAL VISTA! (yeah right)

this was all taken a day after aizel (our love's) birthday...

we ate pizza...
had fun...
and some of us had no sleep...

anyway...

this pictures were taken no where near taalvista...

it just so happened, that i didn't notice "taalvista" on the caption box...

so here we are...

the hell with it.!

good morning america

.... we talk a lot...

What's your excuse?

"what's your excuse?" i asked. "I have no idea" I replied, "I know why." a voice rang inside my head.

excuses excuses excuses... more of them will come just for you to pity your self more and more each day.

well this post aint about no sad excuses i porposely post this not for someone to have pity on me or them selves... (forgive me if they dont connect it's all me)

I wrote a song for "Sophia Bush" my current addiction aside from my beloved and deadly stikz. Well actually, it doesnt directly point to her, it's for a character she portrays in one tree hill namely my beloved "Brooke Davis"

.... moments later.....
sorry, i got distracted by some cute looking and fake looking guy... anyway...

as i was saying, i made a song... It was supposed to be about her, how a guy wanted her so bad it was alright if it's only gonna be about her... all about HER! but it turned out to be not very brooke-ish, it turned out to be crap, just like every other songs i wrote... but anyway, that's not it ( i promise i'll make a point) the point is that it turned out to be about someone i knew... It's like the opening i never saw... to think of it, I had writen a few stuff that actually came true. and i think that this song is one of them.

only, the outcome didnt turn out as pretty as it was supposed to be, any way. let's write a few lines from the song shall we?

*I'm singing cheesy songs again, and i dont know where to begin,
It's allways about you, never about, two hearts that foun theire own again
simple words of compliments that never were true, i hope it aint true

Cause i believe you, and i do need you, and i am willing to do it all over again

with you, all you, just you, i cant say no words, just na na na na na na na
with you, all you, just you, i cant say no words, just na na na na na na na*

The song ends there, i cant say anymore i guess... It's a love song supposedly, yeah, as always. but i think it's a pity song now. and believe me, the person i'm reffering to is a person i've learned to un-love...

it's complicated you see... I thought i loved a person, turned out i was just confused, i always mistake many thing emotions for the real thing. I dunno, HUMAN i guess...

HUMAN error, ang kitid magisip, kagaya ko. ewan. I'm allways doing something wrong, might not be now, but later on, i'll figure it out...

this post will be continued.. and it took me about 5 hours just to reach this far, not even being able to finish it up...

ewan...

i'm so weird... this is incomplete...

to be continued...

the sun is up... can you see it?

paksiw flavored yosiiiii!

*For non smokers* I appologize to you dear non smoker...

*and for smokers* I'm only gonna say like three lines about this.

I was so hungry, as in gutom ako!!! Then I wanted to buy a burger or something, then i realized that my wallet was nowhere to be found. I made halughog of my bag already. wala xa, as in wala.

At first i thought it was lost, I had the weirdest feeling it getting stolen by someone in SM... Because i had the weirdest thought that i placed it precisely inide my bag, along wth the other junk found insde.

So a sat there in my grief and dissapointment, and barely unblieveable but empty growling and HUNGRY stomach! I was hungry... so I smoked. I took one stik and was sad lighting it up. and when i released the smoke that went into my fragile and hurt inner organs. "paksiw" i said. It tasted like one I thought. my mind and stomach was playing games with me. I was just a hungry kid. a broke hungry fucked up kid who has no buissness ever being present on that very corner of the dark park.

So if your still reading this, it means you survived my twisted inner most shallow thoughts.

A tragedy occured. And i believe i caused it. It happened before i realized that I pia alvir destroy perfect imagery. ahhhh fuck the end theory! I destroy lives!!!

I call my self the evil ruler while all i'm trying to do is to help people!!!

 NEWS FALSH!!! I"M NOT OBLIGED TO DO SO!!!

'm just too stupid and fucked up to figure it out in my already preoccupied shallow head!

I say things i dont understand, do things i dont. I dot have reasons! I lack reasons! I have no space for reasoning!!! all I say are excuses! I'm not helping, i make things worst!! I hate it!

I need a break! I need my own remote contol!!! like Click!! you know? gaaaa! I need help, cause i'm helpless... I feel used and unwanted. I cant live like this...

I wanna ruN!!! what have i done! i cant think too much! too much all at once i blrt things out! My problem is that i dont think anymore! I dont digest before i learn to eat! I listen to much! I feel so lost for words!

Al thanks to one person! haha, forget it. ohwell... help if you want, that is if you read this far. yeah.

blow "paksiw"
blow "chicken joooy"
 and to think of it i dont really eat jollybee...

ohwell..

ohwell......

the 20 that is you. 10-18-07

you once told me that you're worth nothing to me, well let me tell you that you're worth 20, 20 stikz of nothing, 20 bucks of nothing, 20 days of nothing ,20 seconds of nothing.

Remind me always that you wont worth nothing more or less than 20 times of nothing. let me make it clear to you that you are nothing more than thyat, let me say it to your face so that i wont think of twenty useless excuses of why I still feel the after shock 0of my senses.

I cant name 20 reasons why i stil care, casue 20 is not enough, but that's how far I can go. 10 to you, ten to home. 20's of nothing.

Maybe you are right, maybe you're not even worth of my 20 seconds, not worth of my 20 songs, of my 20 stikz. Mybe I'm just Pretending that you're worth something considering i might be worth something to you.

honestly, i can say the same line you told me. "I'm not worth anything to you" caus honestly, I dont really know, and i'm noy waiting 20 seconds more to find out. Cause what i'm feeling now is what i should believe, time cant tell anymore. Time wont change howmuch i mean to you, or how much you do to me...

hi5 - nonexistent

http://nonxistent.hi5.com
the so called nonexsistent band!

OMG! I WAS SICK FOR TWO LONG WEEKS!

This is weird, but honestly true... when I tell people i'm sick, but i'm really not, they tend to believe me, but when I really am, and tell them, they don't believe me.

What does a human need to do to make things right again?

This is originally supposed to be about something, then it just turns into something different which turns out to be something, but something completely different form the original topic, but still the same...? Whaaat?

And I cant explain it any differently.

I say what i say, but never really mean it. It's either half true, or half protected.

Speaking of different things, let me add this up. Me and my nikka spent the weekend together. my nikka meaning my nikka, my cousin since she was born, cause i was born first.My nikka and I had a lot of catching up to do, and being completely different from each other, I never could have thought that views about love got switched by a weird twist of fate.

My nikka, is HOT in any words you place it, yeah yeah,were like the opposites... we both smoke, we both drink that's the only thing that i could say we have in common, oh and we can both laugh our hearts out over some stupid mistake like "Hugas isda" hahaha! long story.

We all know i'm Jaded, yes it is indeed old news. While i'm so jaded, she's very much head over heels when it's about love. She's like "forever" "together" "never over" "love love love"

demnit!

Honestly, she should be the jaded one,  I should be the one like that.

She's like stick to one, ONE ALONE! forever! from now, to the end? I asked her what she would do if they break up, she replied that she'd go like suicidal! demnit, were the same in that way, but, but still! We have different reasons to do what we do, for the same thing! the magic of love!

It is magic I tell you! I could get suicidal for many reasons. and I do can tell that love is one of the reason, i just cant figure it out! I feel so alone most of the time, but in times, it's all that i ever need. She does it for lacking love in love, and i do it for searching love.

She can say the words i dare not say! she's a fighter! I'm a coward! I hid bihind the sheets of life, and wait for destiny, she seeks and and find it!

my Cousin is unbelievable.

And to think and say it to her face na "mas mapaglaro pala ako sayo"

kung sabagay hindi xa athlete. pero inde eh, mali eh, baliktad, dapat siya ung malaro, dapat siya ung me problema sa pagtitiwala, hay buhay.

kaya siguro ako ung tumaba. kase alam na ni lord yung mga balak ko!

haha!

EVIL RULER OFF!

nonxsistent on iLike™

http://www.ilike.com/artist/nonxsistent
visit our, or my I-like artist dashboard

NOT EMO

this picture is not EMO... =D

Movie in your head

hmmmm... I made this before the song was made... kinda answered the thought... hahaha

BONEZart

i made this t2o years ago i think... haha, it was those times... that i was so inlove w/.... avril...

to bad...

the insomiady of a clueless mind

hmmm, cant think of a decent title for this... ohwell...

the insomiady of a clueless mind

Pia, pia, wake up, wake up , wake up. Wake up from this dream, this reality aint a dream.

This reality is cruel, this reality wont let you dream, this reality is real, words you say, things you do, wound you gave, song you've made, blood you bleed, they effect every single living organizm

wake up, wake up, dont sleep away from reality, you cant escape if you dont wake up. sleeping, sleeping makes you dream, leeping gives you something to hold on to, but... but sleeping doesnt freeze time,  time moves even in your sleep, you're still in this reality when you sleep.

you see the end and yuo're not willing to change it, and you let it all happen, just like her, i think her name was Betty, that girl in your dream, you let things happen, but reality is, you can change it.

Remember that you're alive, remember it the moment you sleep "tell me that you'll open your eyes" remember that song (snow patrol - open your eyes).

remember me pia, i care, it's just you i cant figure out...

I had a girlfriend....

one of the saddest dream i ever had... very gay, but sincere and kind. VERY GAY, but i didnt want that moment to end, very clear yet filled with doubts.

It felt like i knew what was happening, yet i'm clueless... It felt like i had to hold on, yet what i'm doing is letting go... I wasnt doing anything, i watched everything happening without doing anything... It began how it ends, I was powerless... my darkest days of lightness.

starts with a kiss, ends in one, the rule of a broken heart. and i made that part up.

it was a dream yet the emotions i was feeling was real, i didnt seem mine, but i wanted it, even for just that very moment... I wanted it, i wanted so much to hold on that i let go, i cant do anything about it, cause we were doing the same thing, running away from our inner burdens...

I didnt know her, but her face was familiar, it felt like i knew her, or will i find her, will i meet her? will this happen to me? can i really see the future through a stupid alter reality? or maybe i've seen it to avoid it? can I avoid fate being merely human? or was i destined to make that mistake...

just like the picture i've drawn, it's like i've seen it... before i dreamnt it, i knew it, it was the exat message that i drew, i saw it, a sad kiss ended it, the moment that wast supposed to last, the first to the last, it ends and begins, then let go, with all the others....

I felt great greif to a picture i can no longer see, to a pictuer i can no longer bring back, a picture, a mere picture in side my deepest subconciousness...

i didnt get your name...

i just figured out you didnt know mine aswell...

nice meeting you....

drafts... working on it...

oh no, were falling again
it aint slow, like the way it begins
the way it ends...

Dont go, cause i'm lost from with in
your heart shows, a weakness that breaks my heart
it's hat set us apart my friend.

and i've drawn some lines i cant retrace
the broken heart i cant replace...

I'll bee home soon 2x
i'll be seeing you my freind 2x

you dont know how i'm missing you now
your light glows but i'm lost in the darkest of night
and it's breaking my heart.

Dont go, dont leave me behind,
dont you know that i cant live without your sight
please go and make things right again.

a friendster survey, harhar.

ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
x it's self inflicted... or noah's fault, oh, only one? oh well...

WHAT IS ON THE WALL IN YOUR ROOM?
x Pia's Doodles, and sacromace poster thingy.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
x a bit happy... that's good right?

WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
x last fool show - i made it :/

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
x 12 i think

WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING
RIGHT NOW?
x to wake in a different reality

WHAT DO YOU MISS?
x what?! not who, wow, that's new...

WHICH DO YOU PREFER HOTDOGS/BURGERS?
x Pizza

WHAT ARE YOU CONSIDERED
[PREP, GOTHIC,JOCK,ETC??]]
x the kid with ADHD. har har.

DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
x DUDE, i invented the word. har har.

THE LAST PERSON YOU WENT OUT WITH?
x ZELLENANDRO

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?
x Blue water

WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE
ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
x curly brown. or black. waharhar

COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
x coffee

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA?
x any pizza would do, just dont serve me a plain one...

IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
x chocolate chip cookies or oreos

WHO IS THE LAST PERSON THAT MADE YOU
MAD?
x mad as in super mad? i may say sophia bush, but i'm to damn in love with the person ta actually know ho i'm feeling, harhar.

DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
x no, i only speak tagalog. (and my answer goes in English.) magic.

WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE GAVE
YOU?
x clothes, cause i was born naked.

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
x I dont.

FAVOR ITE CLOTHES?
x =}

WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE
PERSON IS TAKEN?
x shit happens (ty to forset gump)

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE
HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
x I dont actually speak. but word leaks even without speaking. so shout it all out facing the sky. jump for joy, fall for a cliff...

SAY A NUMBER FROM 1-100
x 7

WHO IS THE PERSON YOU CALL OFTEN?
x alfiemylab

WHAT ANNOYS YOU?
x not having a decent computer table, mosquito bites, small jeepneys, pimples, dog poop, dog barking in the middle of recordings.

YOUR WEAKNESSES?
x(refers to her/himself)
insensitive and sensitive - if a gurl
insensitive and eye contact - if a guy

FIRST JOB?
x personal house keeper of the MAN. it's for free cause you owe them your life.

EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
x too old for it, but am willing to if drunk, or paid to do so.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHEN YOU FILLED
THIS?
x harharing my self into doing more harharing. har har.

IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT
WOULD IT BE?
x god might not recognize me, if i even get there for doing so, or not, basta, i'd rather not, call me ancient, bahala kau, iba paniniwala ko. dudun!

WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
x OMG, cause i loved it so much. harhar.

WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT
MOST?
x fat but pretty, yeah like i buy that crap. thanks for the burden that's eating my soul.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME
ILLEGAL?
x I'd have an underground society of drinkers, we'd drink to death unless legalize it again.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
x LOVE, yeah right.

HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
x doesnt pop to my mind yet

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
x yeah, maria - mamamary, anna - mom sofia- grat grand mother.  

DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
x no, but i like to stargaze

WHICH FINGER(S) IS YOUR FAVORITE?
x the dirty finger, yeah in your face mahn!
WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
x last week i think.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
x sucks, as always...

sickness

Out of faith in need of redemption
i had my way in this road of deception
and all i needs a little time

away from you, away from perfection
in this world their is no solution
on how it rains but i feel so dry

with the stain you left behind
the emotions i cant find today,
makes me better some other day,
but it wont make you mine

Counting the days w/ new resolutions
ends my day with another pollution
a billion reason for me to die

I'm doomed to hell in burning confusion
i feel so good with nothing but poison
how can i clear my mind


with the stain you left behind
the emotions i cant find today,
makes me better some other day,
but it wont make you mine

I cant feel, i cant weep
i cant breathe, i cant feel without you (feel with out you) 4x

-------------------------------------------

one of the songs i made in my darkest of days....

photonography... (read carefuly)

i wonder why they sound alike...

perfect memory -remy zero

Remember how they always seemed to know
We had the forest in our eyes
But the earth was in our clothes
And they thought we'd fall
Not at all

So look back on the treasured days
We were young in a world that was so tired
Though it's not what we wanted before
Even the saints had to crawl from the floor
Summers when the money was gone you'd sing
All you're little songs that meant everything to me

And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
I'll remember you that way

Remember how they tried to hold you down
And we climbed those towers
And looked down upon our town
And everything you hoped would last
Just always becomes your past (it hurts)
Summers when the money was gone you'd sing
All your little songs that meant everything to me

And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
I'll remember you always

But then this world slipped through my fingers
And even the sun seemed tired
I still cared
As I lowered you down my heart just jaded
In that moment the earth made no sound
But you were there
You helped me lift my pain into the air

I still miss you
God I still miss you
I know that you are waiting there
I always thought that you'd come home

And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say


If it don't hurt you
It won't hurt me
It don't hurt me
Then it won't hurt you
If it don't hurt you
It won't hurt me that way

believe me there are already too much sofia's in my bush of a life...

I've been watching One tree hill lately... And Brooke Davis got me big time... AKA Sophia BUSH!

having the same made me even adore her more, looking like avril ot me obsessed over her, and having her character... waaaaaa, another high me i may say...

She got me big time, like the big bright picture, I've never been this perky since my perky days... I cant even yell it out... even at my highest of pitch i cant get her out of my system, waaaaaaaaa, I'm goin gay again, i think... but i'll get over it... Just the thought of her makes me smile... (oo-oh did i just say her.) :D

she makes my eye twitch like when i'm so mad, but in a good way, i guess keeping emotions makes my eye twitch, cause i dont wanna scream like crazy in this stupid shop filled with kids playing computer games...

It's like there's a pattern you see... when i like someone, they look like someone I already like, and later on despised... but I won hate her, her i intend to keep... unlike avril... she thought me to let go... yeah... let live...

let's see the list shall wee?

First we have Aviril, we all know what she looks like, and what she is, and what she have become...

then saw lindsay lohan at freaky friday, some treat...

Rachelle McAdams... the queenbe... the notebook... i like her too...

Evangeline Lilly of lost... as kate... I like her too

Kate Beckinsale, they DRIVE ME INSANE!!!! serendipity, underworld, click? waaaa

then now sophia bush, the one i share my name with... CHAD YOUR SUCH AN ASS...

hmmm... feel free to search for them... they all look alike in a way... and that's what's killing me... but Sophia Bush is Different... haha, I dowanna see her... she kills me... demnit... nyt nyt...

catch my desease.wmv

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

high school demnit...

wuttever you say loser...

Vanity fare

(vanity now has a price... wuttever...)

i made this last night... aint got no sleep... and i dunno why...i was so fuckin sleepy, and pretty pissed of... well what ever... i'll live... okay, let me rephrase... I'll try to live...

now with the song...

A picture stares from a broken frame
i might see where i've gained my fame
a place where i belong

A sudden tear from acclaimed miss vane
a sudden fear of a tear that stains
how can something clear go wrong

she's been away for so long
why did she ever went away.

I've been waiting waiting for a day like this
been waiting waiting for that day i wish
under my fallen star under my fallen star i remain...

 Some other time we'll meet again

 under the sky of falling rain

standing alone in vain

If i bleed a little would you take a look
can you see a girl not from a book
can you feel the heart that died

running away from the tomb
why did she ever went away?

I've been waiting waiting for a day like this
been waiting waiting for that day i wish
under my fallen star
under my fallen star i remain
 
...

so gay...

i knoe...

my so called end theory syndrome... I invented it...

09-16-07
~~~~~~~~~~

"The end theory"

I've realized something this night, this might not mean anything to anyone, but it does to me...

I've invented/realized something today. yesterday i took an online on e-spin the bottle site, not sure if it's believable , but it did make sense. It was "your top emotion/feeling test" i forgot the test name, so anyway, I was expecting a result something like sad or emotionally/mentally depressed to appear, but what appeared was BORED and it said something like get a life, dont let life bore you, there is more to life than you and the floor you stand on. It was internet crap, but i've thought about it really... even thinking bores me i supposed...

Me I'm a person who had a past, a  not so pretty and perfect past, but did have one...Everyone has their own "getting over" thing of the past, but that's not my problem. If i were my usual self I'd say something like "the past wont let me go" or "I'm living in my past and too stupid to move on..."

But i've realized something, the past is not my problem anymore, I've passed the stupid stage... I'm over it i believe. This time my problem is the future, my future, the future is holding me back and keeping me bored...

Based on my recent observations "on my self" I'm really to bored to get through anything i dont like or like either ways. I'm always looking forward to the end of everything, my actions always play through my head until i'm to stubborn to do anything already, i see the end and looking forward to it, and it's not helping me and my actual life.

Every time I do something i do i quickly it not being my best just to end it. boredom is killing me.

In most movies i see, not even movies, i predict the ending or worst... I press the fast forward button.

It's like this  wanna know what's happening, but i'm so fed up waiting already so i'll go to the end.

so in the end ends up there's no ending to it...

even in eating, i do it everyday, and sadly it bores me, yes it does, and in my conclusion, it's the reason why I ended up as i am today.

That ending i didnt see, casue i wasn't aware of it yet, and now i have a new story to write...

when i eat i see smell taste food, I eat alot , cause i dont chew much, as i see more food, i get more, not so different from a dog, until everything is gone, i keep going on. and it's not helping me.

I wont stop until i'm completely full of my self, i'm speeding so much that i got too  many.

another thing is smoking, in every single stick, like food, it's not over until it's gone, i eat and smoke for amounts of it i dont need, and the amount i cant count. This time i need to know everything, i need to ask questions, cause i've been asking the wrong ones all along. Everything of too much is stupid i say, well yeah let's do this...

One more before I conclude, in every notebook, there's allways the front and the back, I allways tend to begin from the back. i doodle, write, draw, anything goes, i dunno why... until now

My reasons before were reasonable, but when i was asked why, I had to think why. I answered :"so that if id make a mistake it wouldn't matter cause it's at the back, so that i could re-write it in the front part..."

sadly, things i write remains there, until it reaches the front it's like i'm writing my story backwards already, beginning from the end... that's why i'm unhappy, i'm to scarred to make mistakes, instead i start from the end, and when i get there, it's not as sweet...

I'm writing from the back not to ruin the front, but as i go there, there's no more room for improvement than tomorrow. dont live for tomorrow or yesterday...
today is what matters most.

as i noticed, this notebook has no writings from the back yet, i guess i've sensed it already.

oh well, let's live life shall we?

no more games...

-end theory

today...

casue if we live for today, we might have a better tomorrow and a good yesterday to look back at...

genyt reader...

glad to be of help if it did help...

yeah? yeah...

vintage suicidal

This story  about a gurl who couldnt seethat the heart
she's giving out has never set her free
sitting all alone just staring at her phone
wishing for a way to make her feel at home

then she met a guy named larry
she said that he's too ORDINARY (she lies)2x

she closer her eyes and dreamt of larry
another happyending story (she whines)2x

she weeps inside, laughs out side
ever after never after, it subsides (it subsides)

This story is about a gurl who couldnt keep
the words she placed aside and followed destiny
she said her name was joe and she was all alone
facing all her deaths as she begins to mourn

then she met a guy named larry
she's not really into coullinary (she lies)2x

she closed her eyes and dreamt of larry
another happy ending story (she whines)2x

she weeps inside, laughs out side
ever after never after, it subsides (it subsides)

she gives her heat, like all the rest
the more she thinks the more she say (oh no) 3x

before it's over she thinks forget
the more she thinks the more regrets oh no, no no...

she weeps inside, laughs out side
ever after never after, it subsides (it subsides)

birthday ni bea

:]]

Graduation, yeah whatever...

whatever... just... do eat okay?!

SENIORS NIGHT!!

Finally, andito na xa, OL na! wahahaha!

random moments! not precious okay?

macdo days! paseo moments! JAY MY LAB!

theoots's Xanga Site

http://www.xanga.com/theoots
The guy corner

daRkLunah26 on deviantART

http://www.darklunah26.deviantart.com
ADD MY DA ACCOUNT!

ANG MAHAL KONG BEA

i know a lot of people named bea, this person is the only one i tend to love... gwaahahaha! cheer up gurl dude!

those days... wahaha, napkin amf...

uhhh, cant say much... use your imagination nalang

HS days...

otta love em... hehe collect them all... isa isahin amf..

uhhh, christmas carol? tama ba?

those were the days...

hmmmm, no one can sing it like you do... MI LIKES HER... wahehehehe!

no one can sing it like you do... when you sing it, clouds can cry... when you sing it, the ground falls down... when you sing it, we could defy the laws of gravity...

no one can do it like you do, it give life to the day, the day alone is not life, it is you who give's life, you are the light, the shining glory...

no one can replace your place, in my heart, wajuuuuuuuu, andrama namfufu...

you're the song that gives life to my heary, you make it beat faster, slower, can stop it with a fight, whahaha, waht's with the drama...

FRANKLIN POP VERSION!!! it's creepy, i likes it... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4I3eljjEdM

Are you downe?

OMG, i'm going gay again... I'm so not falling for a girl again, it's abnormal, and I can't afford it anyways, I'd be doomed to hell and my parents would kill me, okie, maybe my dad will, he wont let her only girl go downe on him... well who cares anyways, it's not like i'd bring his name or anything, he should be mad if my brother goes downe (impossible) everything is possible, yeah? yeah...

curiousity killed the cow, don't enter a world not your own, everywhere I go, it's all (NO), be like this, be like that, don't say bad words, arrange your self, fix your hair, take a bath? (ok, a bath is necessary)...

It seemed like there's no way out of this tragic mistake? It's like being controlled with a remote control, a controlled freak, it's like were following this thread of stupid things life commands you to do, it's insane, it's criminal, it's stealing our lives...

uhhh, where was I? hmmm, not much going on with the sun out, everyone is sleeping, how nice of me to still be up at this hour, I'm insane, i'm an addict ...

hmmmm, sometimes i wonder how i can write so much but cant really do anything about it, I guess it's life... not my Job to save the world after all.. hmmm, wuttever... I need sleep...

Glue

For the non-existent Ex! who ever may it concern! wahaha! I've said it, yeah, me and my big mouth! ohhh, and this one is also for aizel my dear grandmother, hehe, sa multiply lang... whehehe... where was i...

Glue, might aswell listen to it "reader"...

All this time i knew i had, a locker full of guys
 But burry me it's you i have

loving you just has it's price, but now i must think twice
you're just like all the other guy...

because you me, no glue, i know i'll miss you, but buhu you still have no clue
so think tiwice, be nice, i'll roll my dice, believe me when i say

Goodbye, dont dry your eyes, cause you know I love it when i see you cry your eye out
tonight i'll sleep tonight, for all those night's of useless crying, for someone who never cared...

every tirme you closed your eyes, was it me inside your mind, speak to me i'm by your side
everytime you said you care, one moment you were there, then you'd give that girl that stare

because you me, no glue, i know i'll miss you, but buhu you still have no clue
so think tiwice, be nice, i'll roll my dice, believe me when i say

Goodbye, dont dry your eyes, cause you know I love it when i see you cry your eye out
tonight i'll sleep tonight, for all those night's of useless crying, for someone who never cared...
someone who never cared, someone who never cared, someone who never cared...

make my day! waha!

wulalng

hmmmmph, nothing new to it...

nothingness…

nothingness…

 

It was then that I figured out I live…

 

When everything meant nothing…

 

And all that mattered was my very existence…

 

The rest were all questions….

 

When every cut had a drop, when every blink meant to last…

 

Every memory kept, every tear counted…

 

Every silence spoke, light shun no more…

 

All was merely colorless, nothing but emptiness and chaos reigned…

 

God was merely a myth; love was just a belief…

 

A world where no love ever existed, a thing that was made real by just believing…

 

Then love was no more…

 

Everything was fast; every movement lasts, every second that pass was so vast….

 

A vast white emptiness, either depressed or oppressed, either trapped or liberated…

 

There’s nothing…

 

Nothing leads to nothing…

 

And something leads to everything…

 

Colors that grow, stitches were sown, the wounds that one owns…

 

Happiness sober, laziness sorrow, the narrow ends cover…

 

Black couldn’t be darker, white couldn’t be brighter…

 

Colors were no more, colors were merely the absence of reality…

 

Colors were never real; faces were reflection of personality…

 

Every one was ugly, reality was ugly…

 

When would this imperfection end?

 

Living, breathing, feeling, believing…

 

All for what???

 

Nothingness is all that I am…

 

Obliviously lost inside the reality of nothingness…

 

Made empty, ends empty…

 

WHY ever made?

 

Nothingness…

 

Such a word…

 

  

my picture has a mind of it's own

And honestly speaking, it's taking over my whole being...

Last week it made a boy friend... I'm aware of it, but it made a dicision on it's own...

or did i let it happen??? hmmm... not good, so not good, not helping me either...

I'm not happy at all, with this, so not me... maybe i'm happy only with my self... not with other people... maybe some poeple were made to be alone forever...

hmmmm... stuid trgedy...


maybe i'm gay....

wala leng

kung nababagot ka na, ako rin, pareho tau...